DIY Joke #2

A blond is fed up of being broke and decides to earn herself some extra cash as a handywoman.

Picking a rich looking neighbourhood, she knocks on a door and asks the man that answers if he has any jobs that need doing.

"Well" says the man "You could paint my porch, but I can only pay £50".

"Ok, that's fine" says the blond.

"the paint and ladders you need are in the garage" the man replies, and goes back inside.

30 minutes later the blond knocks on the door and tells the man she is finished.

"That didn't take very long" says the man "are you sure you did it properly?"

"Of course" says the blond "there was paint left over, so I even did a second coat"

"Oh, and by the way, that's not a porch, it's a Ferrari..."

DIY Joke #1

Two guys in a pickup truck drive into a timber merchants. One of the men walked in the office and says, "We need some four-by-twos."

The man behind the counter replies, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The guy scratches his head and says, "I'll just go check," and goes back to the truck.

He returns and says, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four."

"All right, no problem. How long do you need them?"

The guy pauses for a minute and says, "I better go check."

After a while, he returns to the counter and says, "A long time. We're building a house."

Hehe, made me laugh... :P